Chip and Dale Designs

THE “I SLAVED IN A HOT KITCHEN ALL DAY” LASAGNA RECIPE!

 

This recipe is one of the steps you must take in molding your family into becoming enablers for your quilting addiction.

One evening send your husband and kids to the grocery store. Tell them you will be making them a scrumptious dinner tomorrow but need their help since you will be busy in the kitchen all day. Give them the following list:

            1 Lbs. Ground Beef – extra lean

            1 Lbs. Ground Italian Sausage - mild

2 boxes of Lasagna noodles – not the no cook kind. You want the old boil style because they are so much better. Yes, you know it is more work, but nothing but the best for your family!

16 Oz. Sour Cream

12. Oz. Ricotta Cheese

1 Lbs. butter - salted

1 Jar Each: Oregano, Basil, Garlic Salt, Italian Seasoning (Now you probably already have these spices in hand, but have the family get more. You will soon see why.)

3 large ripe tomatoes

1 bag frozen pearl onions

1 each red and green pepper

6 apples

1 Loaf of French bread

1 disposable aluminum baking dish 9” x 13”

 

When the family gets home, arrange the non-perishable items on the counter. Put the rest in the fridge. The next morning make a big deal out of the fact that you will be spending all day in the hot kitchen slaving away while preparing a delicious home cooked meal for your family. Nothing but the best for them!

Now, as soon as your husband has left for work and the kids have headed to school, take the loaf of French bread and crumble it up into tiny pieces. Scatter the bread crumbs in a far corner of your yard for the birds. Put the hamburger, Italian sausage and the frozen pearl onions in the freezer. Put the butter in the fridge for the popcorn you make to munch on while sewing. Set the six apples aside. Put the tomatoes in the vegetable crisper.  Put everything else back into the grocery bags.

Now take everything that you have bagged up back to the grocery store and get your money back. That is why you needed all the new jars of seasonings!  With your returned cash in hand, go to the frozen food aisle and buy a 9” x 13” prepackaged frozen lasagna. Also grab a frozen apple pie and a frozen loaf of garlic bread. Then go buy an apple pie scented candle.

After you pay for all of this with your refunded money, you should still have enough change left over to buy several yards of fabric, a few spools of thread, some fat quarters and a bottle of wine! Now, go home and sew to your heart’s content.

About two hours before the family starts to arrive home, pre-heat the oven and bake the lasagna and apple pie according to the directions. Make sure you destroy and dispose of the boxes they came in. About a half hour before the family gets home, light the apple pie scented candle (I keep writing various candle companies asking them to make a lasagna scented candle, but no luck yet.) and turn the heat up on the furnace as high as it will go. Fifteen minutes before anyone gets home, put the frozen garlic bread in the oven, again destroying the package.

About 5 minutes before anyone gets home, turn the furnace back down to its normal setting, splash a little water on your face and under your arms. Put some pots and pans in the dishwasher and fire it up.

Your family will arrive home finding you sweating away in a hot kitchen. The house will be very hot from your slaving at the stove all day. But, the aroma of a fresh baked apple pie will let your family know how much you care about them. The hum of the dishwasher will reinforce the notion of how hard you have worked all day.

Ask the kids to set the table and serve up the “homemade” lasagna and the garlic bread. Save the apple pie for dessert.

When the family begins to thank you profusely, mention that you do need a few things from the quilt shop and give them the list.

The end result of your well executed plan will be that you will have earned the undying gratitude of your family. They will get you the things on your quilt shop shopping list. You have some extra money to spend on thread, fabric, wine, etc. You have hamburger and Italian sausage in the freezer for a future meal, apples to munch on while sewing, tomatoes for Bloody Marys’ and pearl onions for your martinis!

Happy sewing! (And cooking.)