I survived another one- but barely

   Hello all!  I made it back from retreat all safe and sound. And I am happy to report I found a wine that when the whole bottle was consumed by one person it did not give me   her  a hangover. Whoo Hoo!

   Anyway, of course I did not get as much done as planned, and it wasn’t necessarily the drinking that caused that. I just took my time and enjoyed the process, as well as the beautiful scenery and wonderful company.

 

On to the show-

  I got these Packer bandanas finished for my bro- the Packer freak. It is also his birthday at the end of the week- how he got that old I will never know. Seems like we were just riding on the back of that mini bike just last week-

 

  I finished this little table topper from This and That- I still have to trim the edges and quilt it but since I didn’t have the backing with me I figured I would do this at home- a/k/a  next retreat.

 

I finished this cute little iron caddy to use with my little Rowenta- I love this fabric!

 

 The last thing I worked on was these cute little Farm House blocks. I had to raid Susie’s trash bin for the beak for the chicken, and I raided Roxanne’s extra fabrics for the spoon fabric. I love how these are coming out, but I do need to do a little more fabric shopping for jar lids, etc. Oh bummer-NOT!
 

 We did a gift exchange this time- which worked out beautifully. I got this wonderful Christmas quilt from Jan- she put so much work into it. I will treasure it always-

 

   My pals, on the other hand, kicked some quilting ass working on stuff.

  Judy and Rae worked on these Bargellos from Hell. I guess the directions weren’t too hot, but they emailed the designer and she did respond that same day and they were able to finish their tops. I do not think I will be making one soon. All they need to do is trim them up and add borders. I love their fabric selections! Rae’s looks like something tropical- beautiful! Terry went with some great bat fabric- both were stunning!

   Here is a close up of Terrys- notice the bats!

 

   Eileen got this cute bag pieced the first night we were there- isn’t it great?

 

 Terry got her funky tree all appliqued down- I might have heard a curse word or 2 but I just gave her more wine. Love that background!

 

 Susie was working on this quilt- she has such great color sense-

 

 

 Val was piecing this gorgeous Blooming 9 Patch- bet ya can’t guess what her favorite color is???

 Susie got the binding put on this beauty- she just got it back from the talented Eileen that quilted it for her. It was stunning-and from what I have seen she already has it hanging in the perfect spot in her house.

 

 Rae was our resident night owl- she was coming to bed just as some of us were getting up! She worked on this scrappy stained glass beauty while we were all dreaming of Channing Tatum- well some of us, anyway-

 

 The lovely Roxanne got this top done as well as a matching pillow case- it was a pattern she designed- such a smarty pants. But I did hear her say there is a need for an accounting network on cable.  Stay tuned about that-

 Lexie got this top all finished- I love the borders on Mr. Chiilingsworth! I had purchased one of these panels and now I have an idea of how I would like to finish it-

 

 Judy was working furiously all weekend and produced much more than this, but here is a sampling of what she was working on-

  Eileen also made this darling pillowcase for her grandson- I think he might be a fan of Minions-

 

  Michele was working on a beautiful quilt from the Missouri Star Block book- and I got this great picture of her ass, too. This may have may have happened after ½ of the bottle of wine I drank during our quilt show discussion idea- more on that below.

Her ass:

  Rae was a doll and brought me 2 of these bags after I begged her on the internet (it really didn’t take much begging- she has a heart the size of Oklahoma)- she is such a  dear. I will love them forever.

  It might have been the wine/beer/mead, but there was talk of a new show coming on cable- and it will not be for your average quilter. It might involve cussing, topless men, and even some quilting. Think of the movies Serial Mom, Magic Mike and then some quilting all combined into one show. It is still in the works, but we have a marketing person and a place to film it, so you never know. Now we just need sponsors- hmmm- ANYONE???

Thanks for reading about my retreat- only 6 more months before the next one- better get packing!

                               Another retreat around the corner-

   Here it is, another 6 months has gone by in the blink of an eye. And that means that I better get packing for quilt retreat on Thursday! Just call me Last Minute Nellie!

 

   I have about a billion projects I want to work on, but I guess I better whittle that down a bit. I am hitching a ride and Terry won’t have room for her booze if I bring everything!

  One thing I am going to work on is the Farm Girl Vintage Quilt by Bee in My Bonnet.

This is not in my usual realm on something I would do as I am not a country gal, but for some reason I freakin love this quilt. I grabbed a fat quarter stack of similar fabrics a few weeks ago, then found a great background at Hobby Lobby for 30% off. Such a deal!

  Then, Lori Holt also publishes this pattern-

My daughter loves pigs, so of course I had to add this sweet boy to my massive pattern library. I also started to collect pink fabrics as I do not have many in my stash. Then, I see this pattern that she made out of the pigs-

OMG! I love how she broke up the pigs with the flowers. And, of course the flowers are yet another pattern. Is this designer smart, or what? Guess what else came into my pattern library?? Good god I need to call Pattern-a-holics Anonymous- STAT!

 

  Another project I am taking is a little quilt from Berties BOM by Bonnie Sullivan. I bought the kit a few years ago, as it was all flannel and I do not have many of those in my stash, either. When I decided to get stuff cut and ready for retreat, I found out the dumbasses that kitted it didn’t give me enough of the applique fabrics. Oh well- after a bunch of swearing and a call out to my homie Terry I went through the 20 pound bag of flannels she brought me I was able to get all of my pieces.

I am only doing the month with the squirrel- one of my very favorite critters.  I hope to finish this if not anything else.

 

  I also have my fabric cut for my snowball quilt. I have loved this Kaffe Fassett fabric and bit the bullet several months ago and bought yardage at a favorite shop of mine in Lyons, Colorado. Here are my parts all ready to go-

    I have also cut a half dozen more blocks out of scraps so I can test my seam allowance first. For once I am going to do something right.  But we shall see what happens as once I get up to retreat and start drinking all bets are off- right girls???

 

   I am also taking a few hand projects- including my Crabapple Hill Gardeners Alphabet embroidery. NO-I AM NOT DONE WITH THIS DAMN THING YET SO QUIT ASKING ME!!!

 

        I will be sharing retreat pics with you all when I get back. And please do not laugh when I tell you I didn’t get anything done.  Or at least don’t tell me you did!

   See you next week!

 

                             THE GROW-A -FROG ESCAPADE

 

   So, I promised you a grow- a – frog story and here it is.

   As some of you know, when you have  young ones at home, all sorts of critters come and get to reside at your home for a while.  And some are not very cute- sorry, iguana lovers. I need fur on my pets.

   We had 2 guinea pigs for a while, which when we bought them  we were assured that we had 2 females. While on vacation, my friend that was babysitting the house called to ask how many guinea pigs we had. My gut reaction was “Crap, one got out”. Instead, it became “How in the Hell did one guinea pig turn into a male?” We now had 3- LOL.

 

  After the guinea pigs left us,  I then  got the phone call- “Dad wants to buy us lizards- can we keep them at your house?”.  So, how could I say no to 2 little lizards. We had the glass cage from the guinea pigs. What I did not know is that they were actually freakin iguana’s- WTH?  So, of course after the first week the kids didn’t touch them, they got mean and they kept growing and growing and got meaner and meaner. Back to the reptile store they went. I was not sorry to see them go. Again, sorry all of you amphibian lovers. I am just not a lizard type of gal.

 

   Then, we had to get a turtle. He was a great turtle, for the week while he lasted. Poor guy- I am not sure what happened there.

   And, finally, we get our son a grow- a –frog. For those of you that are not familiar with these creatures, you purchase a tiny, tiny tadpole  via the mail. It gets shipped to you in a Styrofoam container. Then, you put it in a habitat and watch him grow.

 

   Well, the frog in the store was approximately a 3 inch diameter little guy- not too big. We figured this would be a great, small pet for Sean. We bought a small terrarium that was tall and round. He loved that frog and fed him well. He changed the water as directed, and the damn thing would NOT STOP GROWING. That thing was HUGE! His legs alone could have fed a family of 4! At night we would sometimes hear the frog jumping up to hit the lid in an attempt to escape from his habitat. Sean finally put a large rock on top of the kid so he could not escape. EXCEPT, one night he forgot to put the rock on it.

 

     Now- picture this- it was the middle of the night, I heard Cramer, our one cat, playing with something out in the hall. I had absolutely no clothes  on at all as the kids were at their dads. I went out into the hall- and lo and behold Cramer had the grow-a -frog trapped behind the little table that was by our bedroom door. I start screaming to Bob- “THE FROGS’ OUT-THE FROGS’ OUT” and I start chasing the fucking thing down the hall, along with Cramer. As I was jumping up and down and grabbing him, the damn thing was oozing some kind of liquid from his whole body (a defense mechanism I am sure) and he kept slipping out of my hands. Good god- I could have made millions if a certain someone was video-taping this instead of laughing his ass off!  Damn you Bob- I could be driving that new Mustang if you had just grabbed the video camera! After what seemed like hours, I finally managed to trap the little bastard and put him back in his tank. I then de-contaminated myself and took a  good, long, hot shower. ALONE.

   When Sean got home that Sunday we told him about the adventure (leaving out details that would horrify his little mind of course) and so he decided to put him in the giant old guinea pig aquarium. I must say that tank got a lot of use!  It took him hours to get the aquarium ready- he scrubbed it, cleaned it, got rocks to put in it, and then filled it all up with new water for his little buddy.  He put his frog in his new environment, and said good night.

   Sean then got up the next morning- and the damn frog was DEAD! After all that! We think he was just so happy with his new large space he just died from happiness! Ungrateful bastard!

  After that, we were done with exotic petsJ. We stuck to dogs and cats- and so far I have not had to chase any of them down the hall in nothing but my birthday suit. Whew! And for that, I am grateful as I am sure Bob is as well. But there goes my millions-

   Happy Thursday, my friends!

                                                              A long break-

   I bet you all thought I got lost!  I am so sorry for the lack of blog posts. Life the last few months has most certainly gotten in the way.

   It started in June when we got notified by our rental company that our rent would increase by almost $300/month. What a crock. The housing market here has been out of this world a/k/a bullshit and the apartment companies have jumped on board. We looked around and our complex is still hundreds less than others so we had to suck it up, and I went out and found a part time job. In addition to my real 45 hour a week job and my dog collar sewing I now work part time at World Market- a fun little place. I have worked many, many years in the retail industry so this was an easy transition. My co-workers are very sweet and so far I have enjoyed it. Of course, the holidays are coming up and we all know what that means but I am ready!

Chip gets a hot compress on his incision

   Then as some of you know, our dachshund, Chip has had neck issues. It started on the 4^th of July. He would cry out in pain at various times- you just never knew what would cause him to cry. After a few weeks of laser treatments and bunches of meds he seemed to be improving, but then seemed to re-injure himself. It was heartbreaking. And stressful- did I say thank god marijuana is legal here now? HAHA. Anyway, after a few acupuncture treatments that we were hoping would help but did not, we decided to go bankrupt and get Chip the surgery he needed. We ended up taking him to Colorado State University Veterinary Hospital in Fort Collins. He went in on a Thursday and came home the following Monday. He is over a week into post-op and is doing well. He ended up having emergency surgery on a major herniated disc and several other ruptured discs in his neck- and they went in through his neck instead of his back as they cut through less muscle going in that way. After the surgery he had a bad limp on his front foot, which was not there before the surgery. They said this was to be expected. Bob did let me know this morning that the limping was much better today. Chip is totally confined to the kennel, and the past 2 days we are thinking he has been feeling better as the whining to get out has started. It is going to be a long month LOL. Thank god I work 3 jobs- poor BOB! We also have a friend that is loaning us another kennel so we can put Chip in the bedroom with us at night as the large one he is in during the day is too big to move back and forth. Why in the hell we ever got a crate that big to begin with is beyond me- it’s not like we have a mastiff.  It will be nice to sleep with the hubby again- not a lot of that has been happening since the 4^th of July. Bob is usually the one on couch duty.  I hope I remember how to share the covers- I have gotten awful greedy with the quilts J. And the pillows- good luck honey!

Chip in his Hospital Crate. Note the IV line.
 

    Our friend, Lexie has set up a Go Fund Me account to help pay Chip’s vet bills- I really don’t want to get a 4^th job hooking on East Colfax so God love her. If you know of anyone that may be able to donate even $5 it would go a long way to help us out. We are truly humbled by the generosity we have already been shown. Thank you all from the bottom of our hearts.

Our Little Buddy

     

  This past month I have also sewn almost 1,000 dog collars for my other job, so unfortunately I don’t have a darn thing quilty to show you. I am headed out at the end of this month for my twice a year quilt retreat and am looking very forward to sewing my fingers to the bone on projects I want to get done- for me. No dog collars, no presents, etc. I CAN’T WAIT! Just playing, sewing, eating, and of course, DRINKING!

A solemn moment at the last quilt retreat

    I did manage to get all of my fall quilts hanging up and draped over the couches, chairs, tables, etc. It now looks like fall threw up in the apartment, but I love it. And if you are ever visiting, know that you will never be cold! And if you are it is your own damn fault.

     Hugs to you all! I will try to get some fun blog stories up soon- there is one that needs to be told regarding a grow-a-frog and the night it escaped. Stay tuned- you won’t want to miss this one!

 

CHECK THE BELOW POST FOR INFORMATION ON CHIP'S GOFUNDME PAGE. THANK YOU!!!

 

 

As many of you may know, our little buddy Chip -one of the co-founders of Chip and Dale Designs - had to undergo emergency surgery on Friday. Chip's good friend Lexie has established a Gofundme account to help him with his medical bills. Here is the link to the site. Please share this with your friends.

 

http://www.gofundme.com/chipsurgery 

 

 

 

 

 

 

BEST OF SHOW

 

 

 

Courtenay's new Luminous Lone Star quilt has been awarded the BEST OF SHOW ribbon at the 2015 Adams County, Colorado, Fair quilt show.

 

 

 

 

 

 

To celebrate, Courtenay and Craftsy are offering the on line Luminous Lone Star class at a Best of Show Special!!

 

www.craftsy.com/ext/CourtenayHughes_464_H

 

THE THIRTY-NINTH SHADE OF GREY

Before we were married, I was living in Colorado and my soon to be husband was living on a farm in Missouri. One of his responsibilities on the farm was to help with herding around the cattle and hogs. To do this he occasionally used what is called a cattle whip. It is basically a stick with a piece of rope attached to the end.

When we were getting ready for him to move to Colorado, several of his friends volunteered to help him pack. In the process of packing, one of his friends stashed the cattle whip in a large box marked MASTER BEDROOM. Ha Ha. The box was sealed and loaded onto the truck.

Arriving in Colorado, the truck was unloaded and the various boxes were hauled into their designated rooms. I chuckled a little bit when I found the cattle whip stashed in one of the boxes in our bedroom. I tried to guess which one of my husband’s friends would have done this, but they would all be suspects. I guess that was why they were my soon to be husband’s friends in the first place. God love ‘em! Being in a hurry to unpack, I just stashed the cattle whip in the corner of our bedroom behind the door and forgot about it.

                                             

Cattle Whip
 

Fast forward about three months. My son Sean was in second grade. He was selected by his teachers and principal to be one of the lead characters in a school play about a circus. He was to be the ring master in the second grade’s circus scene!! We were very proud of him.

Now the year before, Sean had come home from school and informed me that I had to make him a snake costume for the school play. Snake costume? No problem. I asked Sean when he needed it, already knowing what the answer would probably be. Tomorrow. Just what I figured. So I quickly threw together some fabric and scales and slithers and made him a snake costume. Remember now, it was late and I was tired. And several glasses of wine can adjust your perspective. The next night at the school play, I burst out laughing when Sean the Snake came bouncing on stage. Parents all around me were staring at me and slowly moving away as I sat there roaring with laughter, tears streaming down my face. Instead of a fearsome snake, all I could see was this giant ribbed condom bouncing and weaving on stage. I called Sean Trojan for several months after that. But, anyway.

Trojan the Snake
 

As the date for this year's school play approached, we helped Sean rehearse his ring master lines and worked with him to get his character just right. Things were going very well, or so we thought. Sean came home from school one day and had the costume list of things that he needed for the school play. Pretty basic ringmaster stuff: a dove tailed coat, a top hat and a crop. There was also a hand written note from his teacher at the bottom of the list that said “Call me ASAP.”

Sean the Ringmaster
 

When I called the next morning, the teacher proceeded to tell me how she had gone over the costume lists with each of the kids. She asked the kiddos if anyone had any questions. Of course, Sean raised his little hand.

“What’s a crop?” Sean asked.

“It’s like a small whip.” The teacher explained.

“Oh, okay,” Sean answered. “My mom keeps one of those behind her bedroom door.”

The next parent/teacher conference was very interesting.

                                                              VACATION FOOD

  One of the great things about going back home on vacation is that I can load up on all of the foods from my childhood. While some of these items I have recipes for and can make them, they just don’t taste the same! You can ask anyone of my friends and family- my cooking is not great! I was too busy screwing around outside as a kid and was not paying any attention to what my mother was doing in the kitchen. Food just magically appeared every night at 5. What a life!

  Anyway, the items I was looking forward to is as follows- Yuengling beer, teaberry ice cream, whoopie pies (not the crappy ones you get in the grocery store, but home made by the Amish ones), a cheese steak from Philly, city chicken, good Lebanon Bologna, potato filling (most of you know this as stuffing and no it is not even close to Stove Top), NY style pizza, Diffenbach’s chips, Yuengling, etc. (I know I have the Yuengling beer in there twice- it was THAT important). Well I am pleased to announce I have every single one of the items on my list- and some more than once- haha. I had to quit drinking after day 3- I wanted to remember some of the trip! But eating, on the other hand, was a different story.

   First stop after we got off the plane- Jim’s Cheesteaks in Philly.   Last time we were in Philly we had Genos’, this time we went to Jim’s. It was fantastic! Missy also had a cooler in the car full of Yuengling and Diffenbach’s potato chips for our ride home- what a deal!

 

 

  That night was my first taste of Teaberry ice cream in 10 years- and it was as fantastic as I remembered. This flavor is very local to this area- and cannot be found anywhere else. Believe me, I have looked. I had a stupid boyfriend once that compared it to Pepto Bismol- dumbass LOL.NOT EVEN CLOSE

 

     On Friday we went to an Amish farmers’ market. They had all sorts of food stands, plus a bakery (whoopee pies for miles),  a doughnut stand, a few different meat cases, etc. It was incredible. There were Amish women baking the pies in front of us- my son, who works in a grocery store bakery, was most impressed. Evidently all of his bakery items come in frozen and they just throw it in the oven.  He was also amazed that these prices were cheaper than the ones in his store- and the items were obviously more fresh here at the market. There was also a food court there as well- and oh dear. What do I choose for lunch? We all went with home-made barbecue, sides, and home-made root beer. Now, I got sick once as a kid on root beer so it is not my favorite, but I thought I would try it anyway.  Holy mother- this was the best freakin root beer I have ever had! I wish I could have shipped a case home! Even the bottle was cool-

That night I got my first taste of great pizza of the trip- it was fantastic.  There are a bunch of little Italian places all over that all make fantastic pies. HEAVEN!

 

   The next day was the graduation party- where I got my Lebanon bologna. OMG- I could have eaten the whole damn ring. I did test it as I was cutting it up for the meat/cheese tray. I am all about quality control people!

        On Tuesday my niece had us over to her place for lunch, where I got in my city chicken fix. It is called city chicken as during the war chicken prices were so high that people started using beef and pork instead. City chicken is not really chicken- it is beef, pork and veal on a stick. It can also be any of the mentioned combinations-and the meat can be cubed or ground. I prefer the cubed myself. My niece made it with beef and pork. After marinating the cubes overnight, you place the cubes on a stick, then dip them in an egg wash and bread them. You then fry them for a bit, cover them and toss them in the oven for a while. There are also recipes out there that you can steam them in between- not really necessary.  HOLY CRAP Amy did a great job- I could have eaten a dozen, but figured I should share! Of course now my son loves it and now I bet I will be asked to make them. GREAT- not!

 

  No trip back home is complete unless it includes a trip to Shady Maple, a Mennonite smorgasbord that is absolutely wonderful. Over 200 feet of home prepared Pennsylvania Dutch food. I could gorge on the dessert selection alone!!

  The food at our B and B was fantastic as well, but I will go into that more when I do the B and B blog.

 I am getting together with some friends for a sew day Sunday- I will have some good quilt pics for you after that.

   Thanks for reading- and I hope this made you all hungry and thirsty!   As I am typing this I am really needing a home-made root beer and a whoopie pie!

THE MIDNIGHT MASSACRE

            First, let me say it wasn’t really midnight. I just thought it would be a cool title for a blog. Besides, it is much more alliterative than the 3:32 am massacre. (And I always wanted to use the word alliterative in a story too.)

 

            Now, my husband and I have a nice queen sized bed. It works just fine for just the two of us, if you know what I mean. However, when you start adding critters, it can get rather crowded, and dangerous.

            Dale, our little girl wiener dog, likes to burrow under quilts and sleep snuggled up next to me. Chip, the boy wiener dog, likes to sleep on top of the quilts, safely snuggled by Bob’s knees. From this vantage point he can safely and loudly bark at everything that goes bump in the night. Our little cat George spends the first part of the night doing cat things all over the place, but usually ends up at the foot of the bed at some point during the night. Newman our 1200 lb. cat, sleeps in a cushion next to the bed, but always comes over when somebody moves – I guess just to see what is going on.

 

            Early this morning, Newman came over to check on us and promptly fell asleep curled up next to Bob. No big deal. Many times during the night, Dale will get restless and will burrow further and further under the quilts until she comes out at the bottom of the bed. Then she will march up to the head of the bed and start the process all over. This was what she did at 3:32 AM this morning.

            However, during the long march in the dark to the head of the bed, Dale stepped on the sleeping Newman. This scared the hell out of Newman who proceeded to make a frenzied escape from whatever was attacking him over Bob’s head.

            In the process, as he was trying to gain traction for his escape, Newman proceeded to claw Bob in the eye and face. Bob let out a loud word, which woke me up. I heard this loud Meeeeeooooower noise as Newman was sent flying cross the room and crashing into my makeup table. Lipstick, compacts and tubes of war paint (don’t ask) went flying everywhere. I looked over to see Bob standing next to the bed holding his hand to his face. He muttered a few words trying to explain what happened as he dashed to the bathroom.

            You should know that Bob remains calm in almost all situations, so I wasn’t overly concerned. The dogs both decided that they may be blamed for whatever just happened and thought it best if they both went outside. So, I groggily climbed out of bed and let the little bastards darlings out.

            After I watched them pee and listened to them bark, I let them back in and gave them their reward for not peeing in the bed. As I slowly staggered back to the bedroom, I noticed my wounded husband was still in the bathroom. He was standing at the sink with a wad of toilet paper pressed against his face. There were piles of blood soaked wadded up toilet paper scattered around the bathroom. Holy Shit!!! There was blood all over his face, chest and hands. Holy more shit!!

            My immediate reaction was to call 9-1-1, but three things stopped me. Ever since my husband had a massive pulmonary embolism a few years ago, he has been on blood thinners and is susceptible to bleeding – lots of bleeding. Second, he is very averse to using ambulances. And third, we, or I, had a very bad experience the last time I tried to call an ambulance for him. Here is that story-

            Several days after Bob was released from the hospital  he started to have a nosebleed. And it wouldn’t quit. I was working at a quilt shop and he was home alone. He texted me about the nosebleed. I called and asked if he wanted me to come home or, or should I call an ambulance. The hospital folks had warned him about nosebleeds when he was discharged. He told me it would eventually quit and to definitely not call an ambulance. About an hour later he called and asked if I could come home. The nosebleed wouldn’t stop and he thought that perhaps he should go the emergency room. And again, no, do not call an ambulance.

            I told my most understanding boss what was going on and headed home. I don’t recall how fast I was going but I made the normally 20 minute drive in 10 minutes. I get home to find Bob with his shirt soaked with blood and large blood clots all over the damn place. I took one look at him and called for the ambulance. So, we headed outside, blood dripping from Bob’s nose and waited for the ambulance. I ran back in and grabbed some make up remover cloths and attempted to clean him up a bit- he looked like something out of the Walking Dead.

            The ambulance and fire truck arrived and the paramedics jumped out and started treating him. I heard one of the medics ask him what happened. So the smart ass looks over at me, winks, and proceeds to tell the medic that I had hit him in the nose. That SOB!

            Now I am escorted by one of the fireman who arrived with the ambulance off to the side- Did I really hit him?? NO I DID NOT! I did not hit him but I am going to kill him as soon as you guys leave. Bob explained to the medic that he was just joking, but that didn’t seem to make a difference.

            I could hear them asking him questions like “Do you feel safe?” or “Has anyone tried to harm you?” Another fireman and a medic come over and grilled me some more.  Now I never knew those heart monitor thingys in an ambulance can be used as lie detectors. Or as instruments of torture. I expected at any moment that I was going to be water boarded.

            We finally got everything straightened out and the medics said that it would be best if I took Bob in my car to a nearby neighborhood ER. They said he would not bleed to death in the time it would take to get him to the ER- too bad! Damn them!!! I had defied his wishes and called them. Now they were agreeing with him and saying their presence wasn’t required. Maybe I really should have hit him. End of that fun story.

            So anyway, I am standing in the bathroom door last night, thinking about the last time I saw him covered in blood, and was wondering if I should call an ambulance. He started to replace the damped toilet paper and showed me a gash running from just below his eye clear down to his jawbone. My immediate thought was that if I call an ambulance he will tell them that I attacked him with a rotary cutter.

            He continued to press the damp compress against his face. I dug out some Neosporin which he applied. The bleeding eventually stopped and we went back to bed.

            Newman had followed Bob into the bathroom and had been meowing his concern the whole time, having forgotten about his flight across the bedroom. I snuggled up closely next to Bob, much to the chagrin of the wiener dogs. Chip snuggled as close to Bob as he could get, ready to bark at anything that posed a threat. And when Dale couldn’t wiggle her way under the quilts, she came up and laid on my head.

            This morning Bob has a long scar on his face. I am sure he is going to have fun explaining that one. So, please do not believe whatever story he tells you. And he is not really auditioning for a part in that new TV show ZOO, although they may be interested in Newman.

            The real irony of the whole thing is that at 12:01 AM, Bob became eligible for Medicare. They would have paid for the friggin’ ambulance!